Apr 20, 2025
*a poem by Elizabeth Bishop (1911-1979); more about Bishop – an award winning poet, writer, and educator – linked below…
The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Bishop
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/elizabeth-bishop
Apr 19, 2025
TBH, I am not and never have been a fan of Bill Maher; his interview of Musk last year was so obsequious I found it unwatchable after the first few minutes, simply unbearable. If he had been able to get his head further up Musks’s ass….but he couldn’t as it was already up there to his shoulders.
He occasionally makes a decent point, or two, and the New Rules are often laugh out loud funny but – and – however – no. One reason I am not a fan – other than his circle-jerking snark and blind privilege – is the make-up of his writer’s room, which is as follows: Ross Abrash, Scott Carter, T. Rafael Cimino, Lance Crouther, Adam Felber, David Feldman, Sheila Griffiths, Matt Gunn, Amy Holmes, Brian Jacobsmeyer, Jay Jaroch, Chris Kelly, Mike Larsen, Billy Martin, Samantha Matti, Bob Oschack, Amani Redd, Ned Rice, Jonathan Schmock, Paul F. Tompkins, Nick Vatterott, Danny Vermont, and Bill Maher himself.
Why was I not surprised to see that of 24 writers, only 4 are women (the women are italicized)? Because, whenever I do see one of the clips from the show I can tell the voices of women are mostly if not entirely absent. This matters. And, as a proud Feminist KillJoy, I am happy to say I almost always look to see who is writing for whom, and, again, not that anyone needed to tell me the consistently sexist Maher has few female writers on his show because it’s a glaring truth if you watch or listen to the guy. Recently I watched a clip of his ‘Overtime’ on Youtube, in which 3 guests – all white males – yucked it up over the fact that Finland was once again the happiest country on the planet, which – Bill said – was ridiculous because it gets so dark so early you can’t even see the hot blondes out on the street. Hahahaha. Ick.
Bill Maher has been famous for a long time, rich, too. He is an Ivy League grad (Cornell) baby boomer white guy who has more in common with trmp than he does with anyone born after 1960, but especially anyone born into poverty with a melanin ‘problem’ or born female. He may feel he was victimized, losing his previous show Politically Incorrect to declining ratings (or, as he would put it, cancel culture), but in fact he is a spoiled, bubble living celebrity whose sanity-washing of trmp on a recent show was truly maddening. But! In a world where he can buy his friends and has a massive platform to promote his both sides suck views, what consequence to his pandering will there be? Liberal tears?
Bill Maher is a privileged, spoiled jerk who for decades has experienced very few consequences for his views, or chosen lifestyle. And hey, I’m okay with that to a point, because everyone is free, bay-be except – not everyone is, actually, as free, or able to spout the views and live their values and life without consequence. Maher’s a libertarian at heart, I think, people who – mostly wealthy white men – are very much in the ‘I’ve got mine, fuck you’ party of selfish shortsightedness. And why wouldn’t he/they be? He’s never had any real skin in the game.
My favorite anecdote about this clueless putz? Once, fellow comedian Howie Mandel interviewed Maher and point blank asked Bill if he thinks that perhaps the very young women who are dating him, are doing so for his money (Maher dates younger women always, and younger women of color most often), and Bill said no, they are not. Howie asked how he knew that. Bill said, “I can tell.”
Okay, boomer.
Apr 18, 2025
*But – because they’re side effects of pregnancy, you probably don’t. The dominant culture (male, white) makes sure of that historically and to this day, even while white male legislators vote away women’s right to choose whether or not to go through with a pregnancy. It’s been said a thousand thousand times, but if men got pregnant, abortion would be available on every corner, for free, pre/post-natal care would be widely available and free, and depictions of the challenges pregnant men face in light of their ‘biological destiny’ would be a part of our daily existence. But – that’s not our reality. I share these words of the lived experiences of women from a page I follow on the inter-web, which does (the inter-web) occasionally serve up good, interesting, important, helpful thangs. with my deepest thanks for the following unknown contributors, whose spelling can be – the internet – a little creative:
Cherie W.: 1. Toxaemia and just how sick you get with it.
2. Midwives that treat you like rubbish for choosing to bottle feed.
3. Nearly loosing the baby and I at birth.
4. The stitches. The endless stitches.
5. Popping the stitches
6. Post natal depression
7. The 6 week period
8. The suicide thoughts
9. The absolute lack of sleep
10. The lifeline epidural pain
My son is now 26. I love him more than anything. I stopped at one. It was so hard.
Stephanie W.: Death. Quite literally.
Jessica D.: My first was an emergency C-section, due to complications during delivery we both developed an infection and I was unable to breastfeed. No breastfeeding means no uterine contractions, so a nurse would come in and “massage” my uterus. The pain I felt was like NOTHING I have experienced since, and nobody warned me about it.
Jay E.: The humiliating and sometimes dehumanising treatment of the professionals in the birthing suite towards the mother. I will never forget those shameful comments I heard and experienced, and how I was made to feel during the most vulnerable time/s of my life.
Tasia K.: Diastasis recti, pelvic floor issues, tearing, inability to control your bladder at all, uncontrollable shaking, hair loss, iron deficiency, constipation due to iron supplements for anemia, hemroids, your lack of any privacy during and after the event, the messes (blood, poop, pee, amniotic fluid, etc.), having trouble breastfeeding, how painful breastfeeding is at first… honestly it would be easier to list what is talked about.
Shannon A.: The number of ppl here saying “kids.” Smh how about the times you go thru labor and don’t end up with a kid? Miscarriage and stillbirths are rarely talked about.
Melissa G: Spinal wear and tear. My arthritis, deteriorated discs and SI joint surgery are all related to carrying and birthing children.
Cassie M.: Permanent damage and changes to your body. The potential to cause life long disabilities, and the risk of death is underplayed. Like the statistics always apply to some other mystery woman you’ll never know.
Danielle B.: Never ending parenting no matter what the age. I’m thankful that I’m so close to them but realize I had no idea what being a good mom would entail and no book ever comes close to explaining the love you have for your kids and the complete exhaustion it brings on even when they are pseudo adults.
Geri B.: My uterus exploded due to too much Pitocin when they induced me. Emergency hysterectomy No blood to replace the amount I lost was available so no pain killers. Left the towel in me leading to a year of pain that Doctors did not believe and then another emergency surgery. My abdomen looks like I was butchered and I look 6 months pregnant all the time.
Erin S.: That your abdominal muscles can split and not go back together. You’re left with a protruding pooch, back issues and incontinence. There’s surgery to fix it but it’s considered plastic and not covered by insurance.
Amy P.: PPD, the visions of horror, not sleeping, endless crying. The C-section, the tearing open of the incision, mastitis, the hair loss, the reality check that I’ll never get another good night of sleep.
Jodi B.: The “husband stitch” and the negative long term effects it can cause (aside from the disgusting misogyny), pelvic floor prolapse, loss of function, post partum, and how you don’t get the luxury of self care because you are too busy caring for the needs of this brand new helpless human…so, if you don’t have a good partner who understands this and is willing to care for you in the absence of your own self care, then everything goes to shit.
Sonya C.: Broken tailbone. Bigger rib cage. Permanent numbness after an epidural if you sit too long. Very low iron for longer than anyone expected. Lower pay. Missed promotions.Being a sudden idiot to all the men you know. New skills to deal with all the adult fussy babies in the office who all need a nap, a snack, or a very long time out.
Linda C.: How long postpartum personality and emotional changes can persist. It’s all lumped under “depression” but it’s not all depression. Those changes can last for years. They can last forever. Pregnancy changes your brain.
Melissa H.: Having adult children. I took classes, read books, asked friends, obsessed heavily on my pregnancy/baby/toddlers/early debelopment kids/pre teens/teens- and not a single one of those bullshit books prepared me for what would happen when my daughter calls me in the middle of the night from another state because they got sideswiped by a semi. Babies are so much easier compared to knowing that now you have to trust you did a good job while knowing that so many other people in the world didn’t.
Amy G.: Well. there are the kids….they are a permanent thing, apparently. So, yeah, I wasn’t ready for that. (Mom of 4)
& because we don’t exclude boys from the convo ~ Jackson L.: Geez so many! My partner is in the 3rd trimester now and everything up to this point has convinced me Mother nature wants to kill us! How do we have such a high population when pregnancy does so many painful things to women?? (*uh, yeah)
Apr 17, 2025
For most of my thirteen years in grade, middle, and high school, I was able to either walk to school with my sibs, or we hitched a ride with our dad, who opened the drugstore at eight a.m. but got in early to bring in, sort, and stack newspapers, getting a jump on what was, for him, a long day. That meant we were early, too, getting to school, but that was okay because early kids could hang out in the cafeteria or gym until the first bell rang.
There was also a brief, wonderful, handful of years during which my dad got some relief in the form of a partner in his business, which was open seven days a week; during those fleeting few years, we took the bus whenever he wasn’t working mornings, alternate weeks or days depending on his partner’s needs and his own.
I loved taking the bus; the steaming, colorful chaos of that space entranced me; finding a seat was running the gauntlet of legs, feet, noise, and emotion (who is my friend, who is not, who among these kids do I even know?!), my brown paper book bag clutched to my chest. This was also in the days before pants were okay to be worn by girls; that made it even more fun. Not.
The gauntlet and my lack of close friends or classmates who were also neighbors in our less-populated neck of the woods meant I ended up sitting in the way back – the last row of seats – with Junior Elliott and Charlie Gray, who were in my older sister’s class. It felt like I had moved up in the world, which I don’t think I had but still, look at meeeee! But more than that, I felt like they both liked me, which they might’ve done. We were all children, and the way back had the biggest bounce when going over bumps in the rural road.
As I recall, I led most of our conversations; conversations that were challenging to have given the level of noise inside that tin can. But mostly, Junie and Charlie teased and tortured me, grabbing my bag or individual books which they threatened to toss out the window, or passed forward in the bus. I never felt truly threatened or frightened by them; they were farm boys, roughhousing buffoons, elbow jostling, harmless gentlemen of a sort, and to their core. And even if I didn’t know it, though I suspect they did, my family – business owners in the village – were considered a different, higher class than theirs; they would never cross that invisible, potent line into actual harm.
Funny but their dads also had jobs that were seven days a week, nights, too, like mine; my dad was often and often called out to fill a prescription on Sunday night, or Tuesday, even if he’d closed up only an hour before. He volunteered at the local rural hospital, too, getting home many nights after seven or eight p.m.
More than once, in the snow, the bus was late picking us up, and we stood freezing at the side of the road. During one snow storm the bus picked us up as it went up the valley, not back down toward town. This felt like an adventure, and was one, because when we went up Bovina Mountain for the last stop, while turning around the rear end of the bus slid on ice and snow over and off the road; saplings nudged the window by my face, the usual chaos of the kids silenced for once.
Everyone knew we were in trouble, the slope was very steep along that road; we knew too that we had to focus on our bus driver, Mr. Lawrence, getting us out of this mess, this spot we were, collectively, in. He did it, rocking the bus back and forth until we had traction, and I remember wanting to whoop with relief and joy, but we all stayed quiet until we got on the main, safer road. Harvey was his given name, he was a customer of my father’s, and I thought he was terribly handsome
The bus was better than the ride in my dad’s car because that meant three of us stuffed in the back, my older sister having claimed the front seat in her special way, imperious and chilling. It simply wasn’t’ worth the fight. And, once on the road, total silence. My brother, who had braces for what I swear was a decade, hardly ever said a thing during those years. My dad and my younger sister were not morning people, and were consistently grouchy AF, and I – who loved school and could not wait to get there – was (annoyingly) cheerful, full of morning pep and sunshine because yes, I was a morning person. Still am, although I don’t want to talk to anyone – particularly strangers – until after eleven a.m., if then.
I loved taking the bus, although I didn’t love walking up the hill, many days, back to the house. Some of that, of course, was the weather but less often the rain or snow kind, rather not knowing what would be waiting for me at the end, as in what kind of mood would mother be in, and which mother – nice or not so nice – would greet me. Charlie and Junior, they were much more reliable, even if they did frustrate the heck out of me at times, passing my graded papers around. Their silliness, and their basic decency, was guaranteed.
Apr 16, 2025
*The asterisk denotes the fact that when we talk about CHILD MARRIAGE what we are actually talking about is the systemic abuse of FEMALE CHILDREN. Children implies all children, boys too, when in truth it’s only and has always only meant – in this context – female children, little girls.
The following is courtesy of that lefty-commie woke organization known as The United Nations via the United Nations Population Fund – which studies child marriage and gender violence and many other subjects. This report was updated 3/14, for Valentine’s’ Day, I guess? FEH. I have also placed an asterisk below where I believe the authors have been too cautious, or danced around what’s really going on – in paragraph two, because saying ‘girls get married’ leaves out an essential piece, implying thereby that there isn’t force or coercion involved. Female children don’t ‘get married’, they are forced and/or sold into marriage, it is a form of gendered sexual slavery. The entire article lays out the various harms more specifically, but let’s start by being honest about what child marriage is: it’s the grotesque, often systemic, culturally and religiously sanctioned abuse of female children.
Child marriage is a human rights violation. It refers to any formal marriage or informal union of a child under the age of 18 with an adult or with another child. Despite laws against it, the practice remains widespread.
Globally, one in every five girls is formally married or in an informal union before reaching age 18. An estimated 640 million girls and women alive today were married in childhood; each year 12 million adolescent girls are married before the age of 18; every three seconds an adolescent girl get married* somewhere in the world.
Child marriage threatens girls’ lives and health, and it limits their future prospects. Girls pressed into child marriage often become pregnant while still adolescents, increasing the risk of complications in pregnancy or childbirth – the leading cause of death among older adolescent girls. They are also more likely to experience physical or sexual intimate partner violence.
UNFPA (United Nations Population Fund) promotes policies, programs and legislation designed to end child marriage. UNFPA supports evidence-based, rights-based, girl-centred investments that empower adolescent girls with the information, skills and services they need to be healthy, educated and safe, which helps them make a successful transition to adulthood. UNFPA also works to support the needs of married adolescent girls, particularly in family planning and maternal health.
Child marriage denies girls the right to choose whom and when to marry – one of life’s most important decisions. Choosing one’s partner is a major decision, one that should be made freely and without fear or coercion.
Despite near-universal commitments to end child marriage, 19 per cent of girls worldwide are married before age 18, which means thousands of girls every single day. Four per cent of girls are married before age 15. Girls who are married or enter informal unions early are denied the right to equality, education and a standard of living adequate for their health and well-being and that of their family.
Child marriage is both a symptom and a result of deep-seated gender inequalities and restrictive gender norms and stereotypes. Child marriage impacts mostly adolescent girls from the poorest households and rural areas and with less access to education, reflecting a broader societal imbalance where girls are often seen as property or inferior to boys and men.
Child marriage is a serious barrier to achieving gender equality worldwide. It deprives adolescent girls of the enjoyment of their human rights; neglects their bodily autonomy; deprives them of autonomy and economic well-being; and puts them at risk of adolescent pregnancy and gender-based violence.
All 193 United Nations Member States have agreed to end child marriage by 2030 under the Sustainable Development Goals. Target 5.3 of the goals is aimed at eliminating harmful practices such as child, early and forced marriage and female genital mutilation by 2030.
Addressing child marriage necessitates gender-transformative approaches, including tackling harmful gender roles, social norms, gender stereotypes and power relations.
Child marriage directly threatens girls’ health and well-being. Marriage is often followed by pregnancy, even if a girl is not yet physically or mentally ready. In developing countries, a majority of births to adolescent girls occur within a marriage union. In these countries, complications from pregnancy and childbirth are a leading cause of death among adolescent girls aged 15 to 19.
Girls married as children are more likely to be exposed to sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, and physical and sexual intimate partner violence When girls marry, they are often forced to drop out of school so they can assume household responsibilities. Girls who leave school have worse health and economic outcomes than those who stay in school. These disadvantages often extend to their children, perpetuating a cycle of poverty and gender inequality.
Child marriage is the toxic product of economic inequality and gender inequality. Girls in child marriages tend to be less educated, and they are more likely to live in rural areas. Many impoverished parents believe that marriage will secure their daughters’ future by ensuring that another family will be responsible for their care. This is also true in humanitarian crises, when many parents fear they will be unable to protect or care for their daughters. Some mistakenly believe marriage will protect their daughters from pregnancy out of wedlock and sexual violence, which is often exacerbated in times of crisis.
Some parents see their daughters as burdens or commodities, a perception exacerbated in times of crisis. In places where the bride’s family pays a dowry to the groom’s family, younger brides typically command smaller dowries, creating an incentive for parents to marry their daughters off early. In places where the groom’s family pays a bride price, parents in difficult circumstances may marry off their daughters as a source of income.
Child marriage often stems from limited opportunities, a consequence of gender inequality and a lack of girls’ rights. When girls have genuine agency and empowerment, they are far more likely to delay marriage.
Global child marriage rates are slowly falling. Recent data show that 68 million child marriages were averted in the last 25 years. Around 2000, one in three women between the ages of 20 and 24 reported they had been married as children. In 2021, this number dropped to around one in five.
Still, progress has been uneven, and child marriage is not declining fast enough. Because of population growth in regions where child marriage is more prevalent, as well as the socioeconomic impacts of COVID-19, the total number of child marriages is projected to increase by 2030. To change this, we must accelerate our actions to end child marriage.
Ending child marriage could be surprisingly affordable. In 2019, UNFPA released a joint study with Johns Hopkins University, in collaboration with Victoria University, the University of Washington and Avenir Health, assessing the price tag to end child marriage in 68 countries that account for about 90 per cent of these marriages. Ending child marriage in these countries by 2030, researchers concluded, would cost just $35 billion – roughly $600 to spare each child bride.
Laws against child marriage must also be enforced, especially when girls at risk of child marriage, or who are already married, seek protection and justice. And where it is not yet the case, the legal age of marriage should be raised to 18 without exceptions. However, laws only provide the framework for action against child marriage. Practices people deem acceptable are unlikely to disappear through legislation alone. Addressing the deep-rooted gender social norms that condone child marriage requires broader societal shifts to truly eradicate the practice.
Governments, civil society and other partners must work together to ensure that girls have access to quality education, economic opportunities and livelihoods, health information and services, comprehensive sexuality education and life-skills training. Girls who are able to stay in school and remain healthy enjoy a broader range of options, and they are more likely to be able to avoid child marriage.
And, importantly, girls who are already married or in a union need to be supported. They need sexual and reproductive health services to help them avoid early pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections including HIV. Those who become pregnant need access to appropriate care throughout pregnancy, childbirth and in the postpartum period. They should be supported, if they choose, in returning to formal or non-formal education, and be protected against other forms of violence and coercion
Together, these measures lead to more bodily autonomy for girls, to their being more in control of their lives, to healthier families, to higher levels of gender equality and, in turn, to stronger societies and more vibrant economies. No society can afford the lost opportunity, waste of talent or personal devastation that child marriage causes.
UNFPA is committed to delivering tangible, evidence-based solutions to child marriage with an emphasis on efforts that are gender-transformative, can be scaled up, can be sustained and can produce measurable results. UNFPA works with governments and civil society partners at all levels to promote and protect the human rights of adolescent girls – including assisting with the development of sexual and reproductive health, gender and youth policies, programmes and services – and to transform stereotypes and gender norms to end the practice of child marriage.
UNFPA works in more than 66 countries promoting adolescent girl-centred programmes to equip them with social, health and economic assets and skills to transition healthily and safely into adulthood. These programmes empower them to navigate challenges, make informed decisions and actively participate in their communities as independent young women.
The UNFPA-UNICEF Global Programme to End Child Marriage is the UN flagship multicountry initiative that demonstrates the power of global partnerships and targeted interventions to scale up adolescent responsive services, engage governments and communities, transform harmful gender norms and stereotypes, and empower adolescent girls to know and exercise their human rights, including their right to choose, as adults, whether, when and whom to marry.
