*But – because they’re side effects of pregnancy, you probably don’t. The dominant culture (male, white) makes sure of that historically and to this day, even while white male legislators vote away women’s right to choose whether or not to go through with a pregnancy. It’s been said a thousand thousand times, but if men got pregnant, abortion would be available on every corner, for free, pre/post-natal care would be widely available and free, and depictions of the challenges pregnant men face in light of their ‘biological destiny’ would be a part of our daily existence. But – that’s not our reality. I share these words of the lived experiences of women from a page I follow on the inter-web, which does (the inter-web) occasionally serve up good, interesting, important, helpful thangs. with my deepest thanks for the following unknown contributors, whose spelling can be – the internet – a little creative:
Cherie W.: 1. Toxaemia and just how sick you get with it.
2. Midwives that treat you like rubbish for choosing to bottle feed.
3. Nearly loosing the baby and I at birth.
4. The stitches. The endless stitches.
5. Popping the stitches
6. Post natal depression
7. The 6 week period
8. The suicide thoughts
9. The absolute lack of sleep
10. The lifeline epidural pain
My son is now 26. I love him more than anything. I stopped at one. It was so hard.
Stephanie W.: Death. Quite literally.
Jessica D.: My first was an emergency C-section, due to complications during delivery we both developed an infection and I was unable to breastfeed. No breastfeeding means no uterine contractions, so a nurse would come in and “massage” my uterus. The pain I felt was like NOTHING I have experienced since, and nobody warned me about it.
Jay E.: The humiliating and sometimes dehumanising treatment of the professionals in the birthing suite towards the mother. I will never forget those shameful comments I heard and experienced, and how I was made to feel during the most vulnerable time/s of my life.
Tasia K.: Diastasis recti, pelvic floor issues, tearing, inability to control your bladder at all, uncontrollable shaking, hair loss, iron deficiency, constipation due to iron supplements for anemia, hemroids, your lack of any privacy during and after the event, the messes (blood, poop, pee, amniotic fluid, etc.), having trouble breastfeeding, how painful breastfeeding is at first… honestly it would be easier to list what is talked about.
Shannon A.: The number of ppl here saying “kids.” Smh how about the times you go thru labor and don’t end up with a kid? Miscarriage and stillbirths are rarely talked about.
Melissa G: Spinal wear and tear. My arthritis, deteriorated discs and SI joint surgery are all related to carrying and birthing children.
Cassie M.: Permanent damage and changes to your body. The potential to cause life long disabilities, and the risk of death is underplayed. Like the statistics always apply to some other mystery woman you’ll never know.
Danielle B.: Never ending parenting no matter what the age. I’m thankful that I’m so close to them but realize I had no idea what being a good mom would entail and no book ever comes close to explaining the love you have for your kids and the complete exhaustion it brings on even when they are pseudo adults.
Geri B.: My uterus exploded due to too much Pitocin when they induced me. Emergency hysterectomy No blood to replace the amount I lost was available so no pain killers. Left the towel in me leading to a year of pain that Doctors did not believe and then another emergency surgery. My abdomen looks like I was butchered and I look 6 months pregnant all the time.
Erin S.: That your abdominal muscles can split and not go back together. You’re left with a protruding pooch, back issues and incontinence. There’s surgery to fix it but it’s considered plastic and not covered by insurance.
Amy P.: PPD, the visions of horror, not sleeping, endless crying. The C-section, the tearing open of the incision, mastitis, the hair loss, the reality check that I’ll never get another good night of sleep.
Jodi B.: The “husband stitch” and the negative long term effects it can cause (aside from the disgusting misogyny), pelvic floor prolapse, loss of function, post partum, and how you don’t get the luxury of self care because you are too busy caring for the needs of this brand new helpless human…so, if you don’t have a good partner who understands this and is willing to care for you in the absence of your own self care, then everything goes to shit.
Sonya C.: Broken tailbone. Bigger rib cage. Permanent numbness after an epidural if you sit too long. Very low iron for longer than anyone expected. Lower pay. Missed promotions.Being a sudden idiot to all the men you know. New skills to deal with all the adult fussy babies in the office who all need a nap, a snack, or a very long time out.
Linda C.: How long postpartum personality and emotional changes can persist. It’s all lumped under “depression” but it’s not all depression. Those changes can last for years. They can last forever. Pregnancy changes your brain.
Melissa H.: Having adult children. I took classes, read books, asked friends, obsessed heavily on my pregnancy/baby/toddlers/early debelopment kids/pre teens/teens- and not a single one of those bullshit books prepared me for what would happen when my daughter calls me in the middle of the night from another state because they got sideswiped by a semi. Babies are so much easier compared to knowing that now you have to trust you did a good job while knowing that so many other people in the world didn’t.
Amy G.: Well. there are the kids….they are a permanent thing, apparently. So, yeah, I wasn’t ready for that. (Mom of 4)
& because we don’t exclude boys from the convo ~ Jackson L.: Geez so many! My partner is in the 3rd trimester now and everything up to this point has convinced me Mother nature wants to kill us! How do we have such a high population when pregnancy does so many painful things to women?? (*uh, yeah)