How old were you when you were first sexualized by a man (or a woman, for that matter)? Turned into an object of desire by the male gaze, by a teacher, preacher, neighbors, family member or parent? By your culture at large suddenly making you aware of what your body meant – not to you, but to them, whoever the overarching they were?
The sexualization of women starts early, so much so that being shocked by child sexual abuse or incest is actually kinda shocking – it’s that commonplace. On social media, I have seen another thread initiating that conversation, when were you sexualized, and by whom. It seemed worth sharing.
N.B. this is not a series of posts for the faint of heart, so pls take care of you and skip this blog if you can’t right now. I totally get that.
When was the first time for you, being sexualized – that you remember, that is? Here are a few answers from a variety of anonymous women on line:
I was about 5. Went to a school friends house to play. She allowed her older teenage brother to join us and he abused me and showed me his penis. Freaked me out.
She said he does that stuff to her all the time!
Too many and too gross to tell.
I was 4. My step brothers and my dad. My step-grandfather when I was 6. It didn’t stop until I ran away from home at 17. Then I married at 18 and he beat the shit outta me and my kids for 12 years until I left there in the middle of the night with my kids. No man’s ever gonna touch me or mine again.
12-14 was the time I was harrassed the most.
My neighbor who has passed
Was about 84
She told me a family friend touched her – fondled her genital area – when she was a little girl.
She was 80+ , and had lived with it her whole life, and said she had never told anyone. Ever. Just telling someone about it at 80. Lived with it her whole life.
I was molested while I was in diapers, then raped at age 4. It continued until I was nine and he was removed from our home. Our family physician said I’d never have children due to so much scarring. My OB/GYN found a way; I have 2 daughters & 2 sons…
10 or 11, I was walking home with my mum and sisters from school, we were messing around when I instinctively slapped a guy’s hand away from my arse thinking it was one of my sisters about to tickle me. If it wasn’t for the guy cleaning his car calling it out, I’d have kept thinking I accidentally bumped into him. Later that week, I missed everyone at the primary school and I was walking home alone. Same guy kept asking me for a date at a particularly secluded part of my walk. Just told him my age and he said he was like 18? (He looked at least 25). When I realised I wasn’t getting anywhere, I ran to the high street, caught the bus for like 2 stops home and told my mum. Next day I skipped school and went with her to a police station. They said nothing could be done because technically he didn’t do anything wrong!? I was fuming the rest of that year.
My doctor molested me when I was 5. He put his fingers inside me. Told my mother to take me in the bathroom and wash me with soap and water down there. He wanted to see if I was allergic to soap. My vagina swelled. My poor mother had no clue. He wanted her to wash away the evidence. Now he has died and is in Hell. Where he and other deviants belong.
11 until I left the house at 21. Too painful to say any more.
My mother’s boyfriend molested me when I was 13, my sister was in the room and my mother was in the bathroom vomiting because she was drunk. I punched him in the gut. Told my mother, who said I was lying and not to screw it up. She married him and I paid for that punch for the next 5 years by him pushing me down stairs and into walls (while my mother watched and told me I deserved it). He would grab my butt every time I passed him. When I asked my mother to tell him to stop, her response:”Don’t be a prude”. I was kicked out at 18. Women need to support their own and other women over men.
Ten years old and an old fat bast@ rubbed up against my backside standing in line for a game.
When I was 6 years old someone my mother knew was babysitting me. I was supposed to be napping in my grandmother’s back bedroom. He came into the bedroom and made me perform oral sex on him. After which he performed oral sex on me. That was my first sexual experience.
First time for me (with an adult man) was when I was 13 and some guy was driving around the neighborhood totally naked and exposing himself. I was so innocent and naive and just walked right up to his car when he said “Can I ask you a question?” I was so startled I ended up laughing at him.
And that, ladies and gents, is about as good a place to end as any, although to be clear, it ain’t no laughing matter. And as for me – I cannot recall I time when I wasn’t sexualized by the people around me. #TrueStory