Chandler Bing, Chanandler Bong. Chandler Bing was the character’s name, Chanandler Bong was an iteration created by the writers of the show, delivered expertly by another friend, Phoebe Buffet, played by the inimitable Lisa Kudrow. I know this factoid about Chandler’s name because I have seen the best seasons of the show Friends so many times I can practically repeat entire segments of dialogue out loud. And, it’s all Roddy Keller’s fault. He kept leaving work at a literal run on Thursday nights. Roddy worked for me for a time when I was managing the sale of Broadway merchandise while trying to figure out my shit (still working on it, no longer selling merch). When I asked him, what’s the damned rush – his response was ‘I have to get home see my friends!’ Okay, whatever – I need to see my friends, too, but what the hell, dude? Of course, he wasn’t referring to actual friends, he was talking about Friends the TV show, part of NBC’s line-up on Thursday nights.
At the time, I was skeptical in the extreme with regard to his attachment to a half-hour TV show. I don’t ‘do’ fandom; I don’t read People or whatever other fanzine/magazine; I think Entertainment Tonight is inane and yes, it’s a billion-dollar business but for large chunks of my twenties and thirties, I didn’t have a TV. This was in a time long, long ago and far, far away, eons before streaming was a thing, practically pre-historic! Most situation comedy is also pretty bad; canned laughter hurts my ears. Yet when the writers and the casting directors get it right, when the actors involved are charming, so perfect for and in their roles, the relationships feel deeply authentic – it can be a laugh riot. And if, on top of that, the situations don’t call for suspension of disbelief beyond belief, TV comedy is gold. Friends was gold.
I don’t know when actually I started watching Friends, but it was at least half-way through their decade run, and I know it was in re-runs on a cable network late at night during my infamous insomnia years. I did this, started watching (sorry Roddy, for making fun), after getting home from work or rehearsals at night. This would’ve been in 1995 or ’96, when I finally broke down and bought a television because, well, because. And, once I started watching, I was hooked; I was especially hooked on Chandler Bing. Matthew Perry and the writers created a character with Chandler who was funny, sensitive, highly intelligent, sarcastic AF, and vulnerable in a way that most of the other characters were not. He was also the only one of the Friends who seemed to have a regular, and very boring job, making him highly relatable. Joey’s vulnerability (played by Matt LeBlanc) was in his stupidity and decency – except where women were concerned; Joey could be taken advantage of, and insecure, wise-cracking Chandler Bing, his best friend, provided the perfect foil and occasional protection to the overtly horny, dumb AF, yet sexually confident Joey Tribbiani.
Perry demonstrated time and again in the role that he was a gifted comedian, blessed with abilities that were both physical and verbal. Chandler’s girlfriends – most hilariously Maggie Wheeler (it makes me giggle just thinking about it) – and the entire story-line of Chandler and Monica’s relationship, from their rendezvous in London to its ultimate reveal back in NYC, is classic comedy, with a nod to the casting directors having brought Jennifer Saunders and Tom Conti in to guest-star. But then, all of the other supporting cast and guest stars throughout the decade long series were stellar: Marlo Thomas, Elliott Gould, Christina Pickles, Teri Garr, Brenda Vaccaro, Ron Liebman, Kathleen Turner, Morgan Fairchild, Brooke Shields (in one of the funniest story lines, ever), Brad Pitt, Winona Ryder, Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts, Charlie Sheen…the list of fabulous character actors and legit stars of the moment doing hilarious turns on the show is endless.
At the end of the day, Matthew Perry became rich and famous at twenty-four, richer and much more famous at twenty-five, and super-rich as well as world-famous only a few years later when the show was syndicated around the globe. He would never have to worry about money again. Sounds great, right? He had a number one show, Friends, and film, The Whole Nine Yards in the same year, 2000 (TWNY is a truly great comedy, btw, and I don’t usually like what passes for comedy in films these days, so check it out). But, and it’s a big but, Matthew Perry was an addict. Lots of money and an addiction to multiple substances (cocaine, heroin, alcohol, etc.) are a dangerous combination as the early deaths of addicted celebrities has demonstrated time and again.
Chandler Bing could not have been an easy role to play, but not just because it is demanding and time-consuming to film a series. Due to Perry’s death, I recently watched a clip of him talking about meeting over lunch with producers of the show after being cast but before the series was fully fleshed out. These early meetings led to the writers basing Chandler’s insecurities as a person, especially in relationship to women, on Perry’s own issues. Perry had a complicated childhood story, and was insecure where women were concerned. Chandler was insecure with women, Chandler was also given a dad who was a trans-woman, and his mother wrote trashy romances of the most lurid kind. Chandler’s childhood was always referred to as challenging, and his inability to love himself, being the butt of so many jokes, particularly around his sexuality, could not have been easy for the actor to inhabit over the course of ten long years, particularly as Perry’s addictions weighed him down, and the love and healing he found on screen, in character, wasn’t duplicated in real life.
Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. My heart goes out to Perry’s family and friends. As for his fans? We didn’t know him, really, very well at all, but I am saddened by his death, much too young. I also really, really hope – as a fan and fellow human bean – that the toxicology report regarding his death comes back clean, because his sobriety meant everything to him. Last year, promoting his book, he made it clear that he wanted to be remembered primarily for his recovery, and for helping other addicts acknowledge and work through their pain, moving toward their own healing, rather than for his career in the business of show. Let’s honor that, as his friends, even if we never met the guy.
So no one told you life was going to be this way.
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, you’re love life’s DOA.
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.
I’ll be there for you, cause you’re there for me too.
You’re still in bed at ten, the work began at eight.
You’ve burned your breakfast, so far, things are going great.
Your mother warned you there’d be days like these,
But she didn’t tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees.
That, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.
I’ll be there for you, cause you’re there for me too.
No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me.
Seems like you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me.
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with,
Someone I’ll always laugh with, even at my worst, I’m best with you.
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.
I’ll be there for you, cause you’re there for me too.