*if you have missed the ‘man vs. Bear conversation – congrats, you do not spend much time on the internet, and deserve the highest praise available to women. It has been entertaining, to say the least, for those of us who are not surprised AT ALL by the overwhelming number of women who have chosen meeting a bear in the woods over meeting a male stranger. The following is a reprint of a post from ‘La Zenska’, one of many interesting human being’s pages I found via a friend of mine, and, FYI, unless you’re a friend of hers, La Zenska, I mean, y’ain’t getting anything more than the name and a couple of photos, and public posts!
The point of the whole thing is that too many men don’t get it, how dangerous the world can feel to women and girls. And, relying on men to behave well, like people of color relying on white peeps to not be vicious, violent racists, is not a healthy or safe way to live. Trusting men not to kill us, rape us, abuse or harass us (etc.), has not ended well for far too many women and girls. Thank you, La Zenska, for this post!
Over the past two weeks, Man vs. Bear posts have inundated my feed. Many of the comments were tense, but insightful. One man labeled the meme as “toxic and divisive”, and refused to share his “nuanced thoughts”, claiming it would be would be met with hostility.
But perhaps the most disturbing theme within these discussions was the undercurrent of implicit violence, men who professed a desire to see women harmed as a way to prove that men are indeed safer than bears.
Men who were excited by the thought of women being injured for the opportunity to say “I told you so.” This isn’t new. Women hear these statements as part of their daily lives.
• We hear it when we talk about random women being attacked, and men insist that she must have done something to incite it.
• We hear it when men speak in mocking tones about “independent women”, sneering at women who are struggling with the common trials of life; car repairs, financial troubles, home renovations – as if the presence of a man could ward off bad luck.
• We hear men saying “If you didn’t want to be independent, if you weren’t a feminist, we would work alongside you, but since you’re going to behave this way, we can’t help” as if cooperation and human kindness shouldn’t exist outside their control.
All of this is rooted in patriarchal violence. The force these men want to wield against women to compel them to submit to their terms.
Some men just can’t handle the idea of non-transactional, egalitarian exchange because they’ve been conditioned to believe that all they need to do is withhold violence and provide financial support to earn the respect and admiration of women.
But now that women can no longer be legally coerced into providing services to men in exchange for financial support, it doesn’t work that way anymore.*
Men of low skills ultimately turn back to violence because it’s the only thing they know how to do, but it will never earn them respect from women.
All they can hope for is coerced and/or forced respect – something that wasn’t ever real to begin with. And deep down they know it. They don’t have skills or adaptability. All they have is their impotent rage, and it will never be enough.
* 50 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑔𝑜, 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐸𝑞𝑢𝑎𝑙 𝐶𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡 𝑂𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝐴𝑐𝑡 (𝐸𝐶𝑂𝐴) 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑, 𝑎 𝑙𝑎𝑤 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑔𝑛𝑖𝑧𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑑𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑎 ℎ𝑢𝑠𝑏𝑎𝑛𝑑, 𝑓𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑜𝑟 𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑐𝑜-𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑒𝑟. 𝐵𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑎𝑤, 𝑎 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑎𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑎 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑒, 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑏𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠, 𝑜𝑟 𝑜𝑏𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝑎 𝑐𝑎𝑟 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑛. 𝑇ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑑𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑠.