Feelings may be ephemeral, but oh, how good did it feel to flip the bird at Mike P.? So good. Often, around this teeny, rural town, I run into Mike P. at the grocery store (we only have one) or just turning the corner onto Main or Bridge Streets. Then, on social auto-pilot, I have found myself saying ‘Hello’ or ‘How’re you?’ before realizing who it is, Mike P., where after I kick myself in the ass for being in any way polite to a man who was a sexual predator in my community for over three decades, ruining the lives of numerous young women (or trying to) while polishing up his public persona as a ‘good guy’ by being part of the local fire department, planning board, forestry association, and more.
Flipping anyone the bird is generally stupid, in my view, especially when they’re passing you at sixty miles per hour or more, or you’re passing them. It’s childish. It’s a waste of time, passive aggressive – but in this scenario, driving slowly down Main Street, I had a good twenty yards to recognize Mike P’s walk and look, and the same amount of time to extend my left arm fully out the window as I turned the corner onto Walnut Street, giving him not a bird, exactly, but a long, hard fck you, you POS, middle finger. Aggressive-aggressive. It was delicious, especially as he, on social auto-pilot, thought I was waving at first, and said ‘Hello.’ Watching the smile fall off his ugly face was delicious.
Mike P. is a very smart man. Many predators are. He taught science, creating an after- school science research program for ambitious, advanced students with the school principal at the time, a man whose entire family he groomed from the moment they arrived in town.
But in truth, Mike P. groomed the entire community, embedding himself in people’s psyches as a decent guy, using his conventionally pretty and conventionally blind, willfully stupid wife as the most perfect beard you could imagine giving cover for a predator. He befriended new people whenever and wherever they popped up, new people like the principal, who had a pre-teen daughter Mike P. later sexually assaulted on more than one occasion in his science classroom.
Her parents didn’t believe her at first; this is not possible, they said, Mike P. and his wife are our best friends! We’ve gone camping together, biking, hiking! This went on despite them having been warned by a local woman (not me, I was in NYC) about Mike P. and his predatory ways when they moved into the community. This went on for some time, too much time, until their daughter tried to kill herself, having been assaulted by a man she fully trusted, then disbelieved, dismissed, diminished, abandoned by those whose claim to care was as weak as this exploitative man could have wished for in his wildest dreams.
I gave Mike P. the finger and it felt good. I have been telling people for almost twenty-five years about this vile man, and also been disbelieved and dismissed in the process. Diminished. Yes, he groomed the entire community, but we’ve all been groomed to look away, to be complicit, to assume the best about a family man, a married man, a fireman, a man…even when multiple victims come forward, or rumors persist year upon year upon damnable year.
I gave Mike P. the finger and it felt good. One small step for womankind. I will do it again. Making Mike P. as uncomfortable as possible is a good thing, even if it doesn’t come close to evening up the score. Still, I know it matters to him, being liked, feeling safe living behind his good guy facade. When I think about his many, many victims, the promising young female children he made profoundly uncomfortable, groped, fingered, or outright assaulted, and yes, impregnated, young girls who dropped science classes or out of school entirely, it’s the least I can do. I will do it again.