*I will, occasionally, refer to someone as having ‘more hair than wit’ an insult I’ve stolen from Georgette Heyer, my favorite author (if I have a favorite), but invariably when I do – I get a look of incomprehension, because it’s an old form, a subtle statement of another person’s lack of quickness or intelligence, and not everyone follows. Plus, as a person without much hair, and a lot of wit, it hits close to my feels…here are a few more in that vein, from and earlier time, when a slicing, dicing wit was a groovy and more common social skill…nowadays, it’s “I’m done” or the ubiquitous “Fuck you”. Or, simply, “Asshole.” Sigh. Summer laziness inspires me to use other people’s words here more often, along with short bursts of my own…so sue me. Happy Hump Day 😉
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – Winston Churchill, in response: “Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second…If there is one.”
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr (but about whom?! ok I googled it, Kerr was of course a long-time Broadway theatre critic, and it was in 1951 re: an actor named Robinson, who is best – and most commonly – forgotten)
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow (possibly my favorite ever…and still waiting to read a few…)
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
“Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.” – Erica Jong
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas (although whether he actually said this, or who said it first, is in dispute. those who impose on others – other writers and publishers – with their new, unknown yet – they insist – brilliant manuscripts have been getting this response for several centuries, if not more)
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
“Their pooled emotions wouldn’t fill a teaspoon” – Dorothy Parker
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – Henry Clapp re: Horace Greeley
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
“If a guy is put off by you being a feminist, you need to ask yourself how put off you are by someone who doesn’t believe in equality for women.” – Laura Bates (sneaking this one in, as it’s not really an insult, per se, but – think about it, anyhoo)
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
“Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.” – Fran Lebowitz
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… For support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx.
“The beginning of Canadian cultural nationalism was not ‘Am I really that oppressed?’ It was ‘Am I really that boring?'” – Margaret Atwood
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill