Patric Gagne is a clinically diagnosed sociopath, freely admitting to being one; she also holds a doctorate in psychology, is a wife and mother to two children, and her memoir, Sociopath is riveting, fascinating, fan-fucking-tastic. It’s fantastic because it’s clear, concise, gobble-it-up readable (I finished it over the course of two days), as well as deeply instructive. Sociopaths are cursed and gifted (one of the book’s insights) with an inability to feel a few basic emotions, among them guilt, shame, empathy and compassion. In a psychopath this dangerous combination of lacks, along with these and others present to a higher degree, often creates monsters; in sociopaths it engenders manipulators, charming liars, and – more than anything – lost, lonely, misunderstood and very anxious people.
Gagne knew she was different early on in her childhood, and used breaking and entering her neighbors’ houses – as well as petty thievery – as a release and relief for the profound anxiety she felt knowing she didn’t fit in, wasn’t a ‘normal girl’. These acts meant she had broken through the dismaying pain and loneliness of her in-born yet terrifying apathy toward others, her inability to feel and process emotions like the vast majority of humans. Gagne was smart enough to not get caught, but also to recognize – through many years of life, reading, research and eventual therapy – that these coping mechanisms (she called them prescriptions) were not addressing the larger problem: how to accept her operating system, and live healthily with it, and with others.
Sociopaths score between (I may be getting this slightly wrong, not a professional, here, grain of salt) 9-30 on the testing given to determine psychopaths, with those more dangerous persons scoring from 31 – 40, and what Gagne uncovered in her years of research was that there were no treatments or much help – no empathy and compassion – for her mentally and emotionally challenged co-hort. Her memoir seeks to address that. Sociopaths may not have, naturally, empathy and compassion in their wheelhouse, but the good news is they can learn. They can be taught and they can grow. Many sociopaths are highly intelligent, and c’mon, you have to admit it would be great to live guilt-free!?! Maybe? Sorta? Moreover, their innate inability and ability (gift/curse) to divorce themselves from a handful of human emotions gives them an entire range of opportunities in those areas where rationality and logic are prized. Regardless, sociopaths deserve compassion and empathy, and with this memoir Gagne is putting a face and spotlight on the issue, for which I applaud her.
The book additionally gives the best explanation of how to accept one’s partner I’ve ever read, as well as the process of how not to project onto a beloved your own shit, and vicey-versy, as Gagne and her eventual husband struggle mightily with his desire to fix her, rather than accept her as she was made, and her desire to ‘be good for him’, among other crossed purposes and desires. Y’gotta love that.