“As you read a book word by word and page by page, you participate in its creation, just
as a cellist playing a Bach suite participates, note by note, in the creation, the coming.
to-be, the existence, of the music. And, as you read and re-read, the book of
course participates in the creation of you, your thoughts and feelings, the size and
temper of your soul.” – Ursula K. Le Guin
Ursula – the name – literally means little she bear, and Le Guin means the white, or the fair. I love this, not least of the reasons why is that I knew what Ursula meant from the PBS show, Poldark, which I ate up. Costume drama, romance, star-crossed lovers, hot men, long-standing conflicts, desperate times, amazing folk songs sung beautifully enough to make me (along with the story!!) weep? Irresistible.
Names and their meanings have always fascinated me, perhaps because of the way they were imposed, endowed, gifted and wielded in my family. My little sister and I were both named after members of my father’s family, and we were both given, essentially, the same name, whose meaning was ‘pearl’; mine was the Scottish version (Marjorie) and the other, the English (Margaret). That we were born in Margaretville might’ve also invited my interest, not least as this was clearly going to be a problem at some point, right? Marjorie and Margaret from Margaretville? Yeesh.
My older sister was named for my mother’s deceased mother, as well as for my mom’s living and favorite sister, our Aunt Polly (there were 3 other, less favorite sisters). My older brother was named for my dad’s great-uncle and grandfather (both deceased), as well as for my mom’s living brother Fred, 1 of her 7 brothers; he was not her favorite brother, that was Bob, but still, he and his wife, both over 40 by the time her only son was born, were childless. This taught me that naming can also be strategic, calculated.
My mother’s name meant Beloved of God, and my dad’s name (he had been given no middle name), meant strong leader, although that is not something my dad ever said; it was – like the Beloved of God stuff – a tidbit I heard from my mother, the Latin teacher. She also gave our dad the middle name Quintus, which made my dad laugh, as he was the 5th of 5 children.
That my mother prioritized and favored my older siblings was obvious, although when asked she would lie, emphatically stating that she loved all 4 of her children equally!! My mother told these kinds of lies quite often. My penchant for pointing out her inconsistencies and hypocrisies might be a contributing factor in her dislike of me (it definitely was), but after a while, I learned to zip it, observing, merely, her dance, her deception, her white lies of various, different proportions.
My little sister was meant to be named Elizabeth after my dad’s deceased grandmother, his living older sister, and my mom’s younger sister Betty, but mother liked to tell a brief little story about how, just before her c-section was to take place, they changed their minds. I knew this meant she changed her mind, which also meant their minds. This change had occurred – she said – because she fell out with a close local friend, yet another woman named Elizabeth.
The true story was and is that she didn’t like her sister-in-law, Betty; she also didn’t much like her younger sister Betty, with whom she was locked in a life-long competition for attention, respect, and favor, numbers 10 and 11 amidst the dozen of their parents’ children. I know this because my mother liked to speak truth to me when no one else was listening. My mother needed to rid herself of the burden of truth in a confessional box whose exposure would have little weight, should the actual story, later on, come from me, her reputedly defiant, difficult, damaged middle daughter. Right?
I don’t keep her secrets any longer. I haven’t for years and years. Name that.
Pearls symbolize wisdom gained through experience, purity, emotional resilience, and the power to turn adversity into beauty. Because they grow layer by layer around an irritant inside a shell, they represent patience and personal transformation. – From our soon-to-be Overlords @ A.I., or do I mean ‘Super Intelligence’ – no, I damn well do not.