May 5, 2010 The Land Beyond Exhaustion
I live, these days, in the land beyond exhaustion. I think, I suspect, I am not quite recovered fully from my delightful experience with a cold that turned out to be strep throat; a return visit to the doc this a.m. confirms that my throat and sinuses are still red and swollen but it’s possible (I suggested) that it’s just from screaming at – I mean, from speaking emphatically with – the kids I am directing? Well, that doesn’t help, we agreed. She recommended I use my Neti pot and gargle with warm salt water at least twice a day. Yum. All I wanna do is sleep. I have two more nights of rehearsing to get through and a decision to make about whether or not I am going to my uncle’s funeral Friday morning. It’s about 45 minutes away in a gorgeous little town over looking the Hudson. And I love my cousins Peter, and JoAnn, whom I rarely see. The sensible thing would be to stay home, but when, exactly, have I ever prized doing the sensible thing? I will gargle and try to get some rest and make the decision tomorrow based on tomorrow’s location in the land of tired.
I am blackmailing my father. I got his MasterCard to buy him shoes today as his old ones no longer fit his swollen and hurting feet. I told him unless and until he agrees to get fencing for his dog I will spend his money over the next year as I see fit up to the amount the fence would cost. This to compensate me for walking said furry friend two or three times a day. Sometimes the only way to get his attention is to hit him where he really lives, in his wallet. We’ll see. He had a drama-king moment as I was leaving “Oh the way you treat your poor old man…” at which we both laughed. I need him to get that as much as I love him, and want and need to help, he has got to support me in doing so – a fence is necessary whether he lives another 30 days or thirty weeks (he is so basking in the attentions of the nurse and nurse’s aide right now he may just live forever…). I will not be able to visit him three and four times a day, every day, if he does live for another year; I just can’t. More help will be needed and must be found. Let’s start with a fence (and a new pair of shoes for Mojree Darling as proof I meant what I said, clogs and in a lovely glossy burgundy) Ain’t life grand? Now, back to work and maybe a ten-minute cat-nap for Ms. Exhaustion…
May 8, 2010 One Down…
…and one to go – after a truly horrible performance in front of their peers and teachers, the kids pulled Carousel off last night before an audience of family and community members with something close to grace. Really, the assembly was horrible; they were, literally, deer in headlights. It was painful to watch but it served a marvelous purpose in focusing their attention. Fear does that. I told them on a scale of one to ten with ten being the best, their work that afternoon was a two (and I was being kind). One of my leading ladies forgot the words to her song (June is Busting Out All Over), and while she dried up her compatriots turned into pillars of salt. Actually, they already were salt, her drying up merely added insult to injury. Seeing a group of teens stand in line (firing line…), eyes glassy with terror, when they should be bouncy and happy with the fervor of music theatre…argh. I was too tired to be anything but depressed by this spectacle. All my work and this, this is what I get?!!
After the show last night, I came home to restless mind syndrome. I tried to get to sleep but the songs are stuck on constant replay (my little girl, pink and white as peaches and cream is she….) in my head (when I marry Mr. Snow, what a day, what a day!) and my legs were so tired from running all day yesterday they felt as though (the people who live on land, are hard to understand….) they were still carrying me down the halls of the school or out with my dad’s dog…(when you walk through a storm, hold your head up high, and don’t be afraid of the dark….)
Speaking of which my dad has really been motivated by my commandeering of his MasterCard, even going so far as to make a diagram of the doggie fence he wants to have installed. Progress! And in case you’re wondering, I haven’t used it since the shoe shopping incident, except to purchase a large bouquet of flowers for my uncle’s funeral, flowers that were sent to the church with a card reading “With sympathy from your brother, Richard”. Not really an expense my dad can begrudge, yes? Yes.
This afternoon’s plans include a wedding shower (omg, why this of all weekends…) and then early to the school to print up more programs. Maybe, maybe, I can get in a nap. I finally fell asleep around 3a.m., waking at 5:30 and then again at 8:15 (and I work at 9a.m.). I feel like death warmed over. But the kids did a great job, tonight will be even (knock wood) better and tomorrow I can rest, rest, rest. Hallelujah!