*My progressive newspaper column from the 28th of September, published in print first because we respect print journalism, which is in peril, and then, giving it a few weeks, we put it up here. Dos it make a difference? Probably not – but it does, to me.
Every time JD vance opens his mouth, he doubles down on his idiocy and insults (eating cats and dogs, anyone?). I cannot wait for this election to be over, and to knock wood never, ever have to hear about or from Orange Nero, and this other entitled, angry white male prick, again. #VoteBlue
The Republican running for President is the oldest candidate ever nominated by a major American political party. That makes the choice of J.D. Vance notably important, much more so than that of Governor Walz by V.P. Harris given they’re both barely sixty. The Vance choice is also particularly consequential because the GOP nominee has been performing exceptionally poorly on the stump, rambling nonsensically in speeches laden with lies, insults, and race-baiting, demonstrating yet again his questionable fitness for any position of authority, let alone the highest in the land.
So who is J.D Vance, and what does he stand for, if anything? I ask because a sad amount of flip-flopping is to be expected from opportunistic politicians, but Vance’s flip-flops are off the charts, particularly regarding the individual at the top of his own ticket. Also, as someone who actually did grow up in the Appalachians, where a lack of infrastructure and opportunity, where poverty and low expectations are endemic, someone please tell Vance to stop representing himself – to quote the late, great Freddie Mercury – ‘as a poor boy from a poor family,’ born and raised in Appalachia? Thanks.
Middletown, Ohio, where J.D. is actually from, is not in Appalachia, and while his mother struggled with drug abuse and was married more than once during his childhood, J.D. graduated from high school in Middletown, not Kentucky as the film Hillbilly Elegy implies (I cannot make myself read the book). J.D has been through a lot, though, including multiple name changes; he began life as James Donald Bowman, then became James David Hamel during his mom’s second marriage, and in 2013 he became J.D. Vance, adopting his maternal grandparents’ last name. He was then 28, a vet and graduate of Ohio State and Yale Law School. For someone who seeks to legislate away other people’s ability to determine their own personal identity, however, Vance sure has changed his on a regular basis.
Vance has been a Senator for approximately 21 months after the same amount of time practicing law. The majority of his years since law school have been spent making millions as a venture capitalist, including a Kentucky-based vertical gardening agri-business infamous for horrible working conditions: AppHarvest (App for Appalachia). AppHarvest went bankrupt in 2023, stiffing Vance’s investors to the tune of $340 million. Don’t worry, J.D. made out like a bandit, so if you thought Vance and the GOP’s top nominee didn’t have much in common, you were wrong!
Tech billionaire Peter Thiel has sponsored Vance’s brief yet meteoric political career, backing him with massive campaign donations; they met after Thiel gave a speech at Yale while Vance was in grad school there. Thiel later convinced Vance to convert to his brand of ultra-conservative Catholicism, one shared by judicial activists Sam Alito and Clarence Thomas, as well as GOP mega-donors Leonard Leo and Tim Busch. Thiel is not just a richy-rich conservative Catholic, he’s a gay libertarian whose marrow-deep misogyny includes a belief shared by his arch conservative pals that capitalism has been in peril since 1920, when the 19th amendment granted voting rights to women. Women, they assert, foolishly and wastefully favor funding programs that protect and support children, workers, the poor and the elderly. Aren’t we girls just plain awful?!
But I digress. Back to what Vance brings to the GOP ticket, because he might be asked to step up into the shoes worn by a distraught and distracted old man. Distraught and distracted because Kamala Harris crushed him in their recent debate; her donations and poll numbers are growing, while his are comparably flat. To a former reality TV star, those numbers (a.k.a. ratings) really matter. The Vance choice might have helped shore up the ultra-conservative male vote, but You-Know-Who was likely getting those votes anyway. And if the Netflix series Don’t %*$@ with Cats is an indicator, Vance’s animus toward women generally and cat ladies specifically might be career ending for them both (fingers crossed).
And can anyone explain Vance’s comment regarding his wife, ‘Obviously, she’s not white, but I just love Usha.” But? Ouch. I predict, however, that Ms. Vance will survive this campaign with her dignity bruised yet still fully intact. She is, after all, a Yale Law School grad herself, a successful litigator most recently based in Los Angeles (how did that work, trad-family guy J.D.?).
On the Democratic side we have a qualified, experienced, young – and sane – top-of-ticket candidate, and a V.P. pick with years of elected federal and state government experience layered on top of 2-plus decades serving in the military and as a public-school teacher.
Another prediction? The GOP will fail to win the popular vote and electoral count this November, and the era of You-Know-Who will finally, thankfully end.
Vance who? Vote Blue.
